So, we just lean on each other and know that the others won't change.
We are all different and, each in our own ways, independent and standing up for what we believe.
As a kid, my second older sister and I often were scolded for something the 4 of us did or even for things only the youngest did just because "we were supposed to know better".
Anyways, for my mom and grandma, I'm still the one who did it first (understand "best") and they always advise her to ask me for anything (while in fact, I'm often the one asking her for tips! all the best, Susan If you were to ask my brother, it can also work the other way around.
) I don't know if I'd go so far as to call it a syndrome, because trying to contain human problems in a category with a neat label would tend to include oldest children who would not suffer from these complaints, and leave out younger children who probably would. He is 12 years younger than me and while he and I have a great relationship, he's spent a lot of time hearing about how good I am at things.
But, for the tendency for older kids to be 'used' as an example for the younger kids, is true. Well, yah-it is easy to be "easy" when you are the only one left in a large house with your own sportscar(I drove the family wagon! I was practically on my own from an early age while my parents concentrated on raising the younger kids and I was the main source of babysitting, picking up, etc.
Looking back I can see all of the crazy things that I did (smoking, drinking, boys at ridiculously early ages) as ways to seek attention and boundries that never materialized.So again the oldest will bear the brunt of responsibility. Now that I live 2 1/2 hrs from my parents, I recognize that my brother picks up the lion's share of the day to day responsibility, criticisms, guilt trips, etc.Yep, my mom says she does not worry about me cause I always seem so independent.. We are just so used to doing all of it on our own and not depending on others.. we were married young and inlaws told us that if we married they would never help us. Similarly, my husband (the youngest of three) took on almost all of the responsibility for his parents as they aged and died, presumably because he still lived in the area while his brothers had moved away from town.First borns are usually the most independent, perfectionist types.Only children have all the characterists of first borns, but in greater amounts.I have 2 brothers in between and they basically do nothing.