My friend likes black girls, but he doesn’t like them too dark!
” Against my better judgment, I assumed that the wingman just wasn’t very good at his job and started talking to his friend anyway.
While it may be hard for two people from widely different intersections of race and gender to understand each other, it’s not impossible once the more privileged party (in this case, the white guy) is able to recognize their shortcomings and how the intersections of race and gender affect every aspect of a black woman’s life.
Microaggressions are comments or actions that unintentionally alienate or demean a marginalized person or group.
These include, but are not limited to, saying things such as “You’re [insert positive adjective] for a black girl! ” These may seem harmless to some, but they’re actually symptoms of deeper problems rooted in systematic oppressions that black women face daily.
Intersectionality would help because it’s an understanding that a person’s experiences are shaped by their gender, race, physical ability, and socioeconomic class, to name a few factors.
In other words, you should be looking at the to any of these, then you should take a step back to reevaluate.
White men have the privilege of not having to actively think about their intersections of race and gender, which is starkly different from black women’s realities.
White men navigate society with relative ease while black women are teetering on the precarious margins of race and gender that they do not have the privilege to ignore.
This is not a game to us, nor is it something we can ignore.
Our race and gender affects the way we carry ourselves, and this uncomfortable mindfulness is something that white men simply cannot relate to.
And when these stereotypes are internalized and then manifested in society, it could have severe consequences.
More often than not we are looked over for jobs, we do not receive adequate education or medical care, and we are imprisoned at much higher rates than our white counterparts all because blackness is rarely associated with positivity. Often, someone from a marginalized group is expected to be the authority on that group’s culture, but that’s an unreasonable expectation.
Though racial microaggressions are felt by every marginalized group within the dating realm, I am building upon my own personal experiences with heterosexual, cisgender white men to offer suggestions on how to ease racial tensions that may arise in a white man/black woman pairing.